Those ‘guilty’ in innocent lady’s death

A year ago, when I was working at a previous school, a female teacher’s death left me speechless. I was depressed all day at the sad news. How could she die suddenly with her marriage so close? She should have been walking on air, dreaming of a wonderful honeymoon with her soul mate. Why did she make such an irrevocable decision? What terrors drove her to the point of taking her own life?

In melancholy reflection, I recalled some moments with her. She began her teaching career at that school and last year became a homeroom teacher. I still remember her face reddened with happy anticipation. However, taking charge of her class, she must have felt disillusioned at the reality of the Korean classroom environment in which unruly mischief is prevalent.

Equally unbearable must have been the cynicism of our society. Nowadays, as an anonymous reader despairingly commented to me, the role of a teacher is confined to being a technician who specializes only in helping college aspirants enter prestigious universities.

So, a good teacher is one who is accomplished at sending students to so-called first-rate universities, not a mentor who guides them to grow into good, responsible citizens. Teachers’ dignity is nowhere to be found in this dire situation. Worse, due to a lack of proper methods for regulating ill-disciplined students, the classroom sometimes becomes chaotic and in the course of correcting students’ misbehavior, many young female teachers suffer intolerable arrogance and verbal abuse.

However, I don’t think that this dire educational reality is the only culprit that drove her down. In hindsight, I feel remorseful that I belong to the group of assailants that pushed her under. She must have felt isolated for a long time, unable to find a person to talk with, to share her agony with, to cry with.

How apathetic I was not to notice her unspeakable anguish! What did I do when she languished in intolerable depression? I and all her faculty colleagues deserve blame for neglecting the duty of companionship.

Isolation and depression must be the main culprits for human beings to make such a horrific decision. Just like being imprisoned in the suffocating room with no exit, how desperately had she struggled to get out before being overcome by the temptation of suicide? What if somebody offered love and affection, raised her up, and took her out of her dark inner cell? In this sense, I feel guilty for my heartlessness.

Suicide is not an endemic but pandemic which is prevailing all around the world. Korea is notorious for having the highest suicide rate among OECD countries. Despite this, most of us do not seem to realize the harsh reality until someone we love is involved.

Due to our indifference and egoism, we fail to notice the appalling depression of our loved ones. With a lack of proper care and attention, they are on the brink of taking their own lives, leaving behind enormous sadness and psychological trauma.

I cannot see her innocent smile anymore. Her polite, sweet voice is still vivid in my head. Her absence is unbelievable. Some female faculty teachers still seem traumatized by her death, weeping on and off.

To the lady now on the other side, please forgive us for not tendering to you and be happy, free from isolation and depression. To those who remain, she would say, please turn your eyes to the person next to you before it is too late.

The writer is an English teacher at Gimhae Girls’ High School in South Gyeongsang Province. His email address is eungtae@gmail.com. <The Korea Times/Lee Eung-tae>