Parents’ Day in Korea: A letter to my parents

Photojournalist Rahul Aijaz with his mother during a trip to Tharparkar, Sindh in Pakistan in December, 2010.

Hello Ami and Baba,

Living alone has its perks. Who else in his 20s does not want to leave his home and explore the world? Apart from the morons who think travel is only for the rich. Thankfully, I am not one of them and now I am here in Korea. As today is the ‘Parents’ Day’ in Korea, I want to take this opportunity and thank you for everything that you have done for me, which I usually take for granted.

I remember when I was at the airport and the two of you, along with four of my cousins came along to see me off, I felt quite confused. Confused by my existence. Confused that even though I lived 22 years with all of you, was I important enough to be remembered in my 1-year absence? I could see it in your eyes but it was more about me than you.

It has been almost four months living in Seoul now. I still feel confused… about my stance in all of this. But I think that it is natural when you live all on your own, away from everyone you ever knew. For me, it is really strange and I have always known it but I get accustomed to and attached to places and things more than I get emotionally attached to people. Of course, I miss the two of you and my brother but I also miss the streets that I eventually started to hate in my last few months there. Most of all, I miss the crispy parathas and tea. That is the only thing I was sure I was going to miss.

Korean culture here is totally different from our Pakistani culture. They celebrate everything, value their history (which, generally speaking, we have forgotten), care about the etiquettes and there is a proper way to do everything which must be followed. The differences are huge. But as my struggle to be a global citizen continues, I have adjusted. And I have adjusted well.

Yes, I still don’t speak Korean. I have food issues (that is why I cook myself now) but generally, I like Koreans and their culture. Mr. Lee says I have become half Korean now. But I am keeping it to a mere %20 so far. As much as I want to infuse myself into Korean culture to a %100, I still want to keep a certain ‘Pakistani-ness’ about myself. And at the same time, keep a psychological space for my future travel adventures so that I am able to adapt to other cultures as well. It sounds strange but I am afraid, if I fully adapt to Korean culture, I will lose my identity. I have met people here and seen that happen.

What I appreciate is how welcoming Korean people are. Sometimes, it feels like I am home. I feel as comfortable as I was in Pakistan, even more. But the best thing about living here alone, as I said before, is freedom. Korea is one hell of a place to live in. Seoul is totally different beast. It makes you its own. I have become a ‘Seoulite’.

Amidst thousands of Koreans and expats living in Seoul, you start to feel home. Streets are filled with hundreds and thousands of coffee shops and chimaek (chicken and beer) restaurants. Subway is mostly crowded. It is a homogenous society but foreigners are still found here which makes for interesting and unexpected encounters. It is starting to become culturally diverse.

Koreans have a concept of ‘jeong’ which can be loosely translated to ‘bond and attachment’. This makes it a society where they care about each other and share everything. Everything is performed in groups. Unlike in the Western culture and my own post-modernist personality where individualism and being alone is preferred, Koreans tend to have a sharing culture. And being a foreigner, I find it really helpful and affectionate.

Now, because of this, Koreans tend to gift each other on special occasions. As today is Parents’ Day, people gift and treat their parents. As far as I am concerned, I would do with a big ‘Thank you’. And I owe you a treat when I return!

So long!