Cutting my losses

Don’t tell my supervisor but I’m calling in sick Wednesday. I heard the margin in Tuesday’s presidential election will be so tight there may not be a clear winner until the wee hours of the morning. This Barack Obama vs. Mitt Romney smackdown is turning into the political olympics. I can’t stop twitching in anticipation to see how America votes.

It’s difficult to explain my excitement over this year’s election. It certainly doesn’t stem from my passion for either candidate. I am accepting the fact that this battle can go either way. I am also convinced that things couldn’t get any crappier than they are now, regardless of who’s sitting in the Oval Office.

It might be all those exit polls gone wild. However, I’m starting to get a little suspicious about who they are surveying and why no one has ever called me. Or it could be that the race is just getting started. Blowouts are boring no matter what kind of sport is being played. They breed complacency, cruise control and poor (debate) performance.

Speaking of Mr. Obama, I’m reminded of a presidential election where the black candidate is leading the race on the East Coast. This newsflash breaks on the West Coast, prompting millions white suburbanites to mad-dash to the voting booths. It was a hilarious scene from comedian Chris Rock’s political satire “Head of State” in 2003, when the very thought of a black presidency was still a punch line.

No one’s laughing now.

America did elect a black president ― one who, interestingly enough, vowed not to be the president of black America and has spent most of his presidency dodging the issue of race. It was a peculiar political strategy that could have been pulled off only by a black candidate. The question begs, was it worth it?

The New York Times, which endorsed Obama on Sunday, also ran a wink-wink editorial titled, “The Price of a Black President.” It examined how black Americans were satisfied merely with Obama’s symbolism rather than substance. The writer, Frederick C. Harris, detailed how African Americans had challenged white presidents on issues affecting the black community, while Obama remains unchallenged on similar issues. The piece also noted that during Obama’s first two years in office, he had avoided the issue of race more than any other Democratic president since 1961.

And surprising to some, The Washington Post recently published an Associated Press poll that indicates not much has changed. Racial attitudes in America, it turns out, have become worse since 2008. The AP surveyed white respondents and measured that anti-black sentiments increased from 49 to 56 percent since the last presidential election.

America? Polarized? Stop the digital presses! You mean a centuries-old problem didn’t disappear with the help of one man who tried to ignore that the problem existed? I thought this was supposed to be a post-racial America.

So now I’m bracing myself. There’s a good chance, according to that AP poll, that those racial attitudes could have some bearing on the election. If that’s the case, I have a few requests for Mr. Romney:

I admire how you manage to hide all your money in secret stashes. If more Americans had off-shore accounts, they wouldn’t have to hide their meager incomes under a mattress where Uncle Sam could find it. And to think you can actually afford to pay more taxes, yet you don’t like to pay them. But many Americans can’t afford to pay. So imagine how they feel? Your first assignment should be to work on tax reform, and don’t be stingy!

Next, while you’re ridding the government of all affirmative action policies, please abolish entitlements given to legacies at elite universities. Also nip nepotism in the bud because if that’s not affirmative action, what is? And perhaps human resources managers should pore through the piles of resumes on their desks instead of allowing department heads to hire the children of their golfing buddies. That should level the playing field a bit.

Now let’s review these Supreme Court nominations. To spare you the time of thumbing through your binders of women, I have two no-brainers. The first is California Attorney General Kamala Harris; her appointment will demonstrate that your arms are long enough to reach across the aisle. The other choice is a win-win-win: Hillary Clinton. Every senator would agree that she would be a stellar justice. And think about it, would you really want her coming after your gig in 2016?

Getting used to the idea of a Romney presidency wouldn’t be end of the world. America could get back to criticizing every step the president takes instead of tip-toeing on eggshells. Presidents make mistakes aplenty. Citizens point them out repeatedly. Americans should feel free to complain without fear of being labeled a race traitor or race hater. That would be nice … for a change.

Sonya Beard, a disgruntled Democrat, is a university writing instructor in Seoul. She can be reached at sonyabeardreports@gmail.com. <The Korea Times/Sonya Beard>