Talking elegantly can be a New Year’s resolution

People make numerous resolutions at the start of the new year — to get rich, to lose weight, to be promoted, to learn English. Yet one crucial resolution seems to be missing on many people’s lists — to stop verbal abuse.

Verbal abuse pervades many aspects of the Korean society, and has hurt so many people. In politics, people often use abusive language to destroy another’s character or reputation. However, such a technique rarely works. For instance, in a pre-election televised debate, far-left presidential candidate Lee Jung-hee said that she ran for the presidency in order to defeat Park Geun-hye. She stated that Park’s victory would be a national disaster and a retrogression of history.

Lee had hoped that her remarks on Park would help liberal candidate Moon Jae-in. However, pollsters’ analyses after the election showed that Lee’s attack rallied conservatives and prompted many undecided voters to support Park.

President Lee Myung-bak was also a victim of verbal abuse. In his visit to the United States in 2008, he expressed his wish to reunify the divided Korea under the liberal democratic rule. His statement seemed justifiable and logical. Nevertheless, it angered North Korea. For the next five years, North Korea demonized President Lee.

During his campaign, U.S. presidential candidate Mitt Romney stated that 47 percent of Americans don’t pay tax, and that they will vote for Barack Obama no matter what. His remarks essentially belittled many social groups, including the poor and immigrants, prompting them to vote for Obama.

Yoon Chang-joong, an ultraconservative political commentator and former journalist who became a spokesman of Park’s presidential transition team, is another example of someone who uses abusive language. For instance, Yoon dubbed former Prime Minister Chung Un-chan as a “political prostitute.’’ Yoon also vilified liberals as sycophants of the communist North. Although his far-right comments pleased conservatives, they alienated the 14.6 million adults or 48 percent of the electorate who voted for liberal candidate Moon Jae-in.

People verbally attack one another face to face and online. Unable to overcome such bullying, victims either become depressed or commit suicide, as in the case of actress Choi Jin-sil. Nevertheless, there are a few examples of people who opt for elegant language. One of them is President-elect Park. Her ability to talk elegantly came from her experience as a first lady when she was only in her 20s. She has been labeled as the “Notebook Princess” for using prepared public speeches. However, this strategy gives her audience a sense of reassurance, confidence and stability. In light of the ineffectiveness and hurtfulness of impromptu speeches and remarks, national leaders and politicians may be better off by adopting Park’s strategy.

Independent presidential candidate Ahn Cheol-soo is another example of someone who uses elegant language. His statements are short, insightful and thought-provoking. His elegant language shows his intelligence and love of learning, making him something of a phenomenon during his campaign. He captivated his audience, including detractors, not by his message but by how he delivered his message.

Verbal abuse can also come from body language and facial expressions. In the book, “The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism,” Olivia Fox Cabane advises readers to “listen well, not to interrupt and pause before they speak.” According to her, “warmth is projected by creating positive associations, and making other people feel valued and important.” She also says that the pitch, tone and tempo of one’s speech are as important as what one says. She states that what a person says appeals to the audience’s logical side, and how the person says it appeals to the audience’s emotional side.

According to Cabane, “nonverbal communication creates stronger reactions and moves people to action,” and “nonverbal warmth is also crucial in making people feel comfortable.” She adds that “talking elegantly and warmly will enable people to be willing to follow you even when you are wrong.” In short, people, including national leaders, politicians and government officials can influence constituents and outcomes through nonverbal communication.

The most successful people are those who talk thoughtfully and elegantly. This is because the audience perceives one’s language as a reflection of one’s character and personality. According to American investor Warren Buffet, “It takes 20 years to build your reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you will do things differently.” Similarly, American financier Bernach Baruch said, “Most of the successful people I have known are the ones who do more listening than talking.”

Korea faces a difficult year economically, politically, diplomatically and socially. During this time, it would serve people to think about how they speak. Abusive language and expression hurt both the audience and the speaker. Hopefully, talking elegantly will be a New Year’s resolution for Koreans.

Lee Chang-sup is the executive managing director of The Korea Times. Contact him at editorial@ktimes.co.kr. <The Korea Times/Lee Chang-sup>